Escape Artist Pt. 1

I've decided to start blogging more regularly. You know, at least once a week to keep my mind from turning to flubber. Besides, it'll keep me busy when I'm not re-reading Harry Potter or playing Resident Evil 4 at Aaron's house.

Starting next week, anyway. This one I wrote wayyy back in March. Make yourself a bowl of popcorn and enjoy!       

I'm back. Not really though, since I'm writing this during hiatus. Yes, hiatus was for a break from posting, not from writing. I couldn't keep myself from this keyboard even if I tried.

I've Forgotten How To Blog

And I've also lost the motivation to share things. I'm not the guy who always raises his hand in youth group friday night anymore. I just don't feel the need to anymore. I've been there and I've done that.

I think I have deeply associated sharing opinions, letting everyone know what you learned, and all that kind of stuff with trying to sound smart. God knows I've judged other people for doing that. It just killed me to see how egotistical I'd get when I compared my knowledge to other people's, and how good that made me feel. A lot of my identity and how I want other people to view me revolves around how smart I am, so I guess now I'm looking to find my worth elsewhere.

I'll have some thoughts every once in a while, that make me go "Hey I should write a blog post about that", but then later I'll be like "What's the point?". I think I'm done with the preachy sermon-type essays that I used to write. Those were fun, but what I really want to get better at is telling stories.

Without trying to sound cheesy(for my lactose intolerant readers out there!), I think stories are captivating, inspiring, and life changing. You definitely won't remember last week's sermon, but some people's stories stick with you forever. Instead of just telling you what you should know, they show you. And since it's not a perfect world we live in, they show you reality instead of some idealistic situation someone comes up with when writing a sermon by themselves.

There I go bagging on sermons. What I want to say is that we need both: educational, practical lessons as well as real life lessons. But right now I feel I need more of the life lessons. I want to be able to tell better stories, but I can't unless I start making my own story better. Not more exciting, or flashy. But better.

That's all I got right now. And guess what? It's summer break! And I have loads of free time. Honestly, I'm kinda scared. This'll be interesting.

Walk in the Park Pt. 2

I slip my Rainbows off, and dig my toes into the sand, and wrap my fingers around the chains holding the swing up. I am a kid again for an hour, or for however long I plan to stay here. It is not yet evening, and the endless chittering of birds gives the impression that spring has just arrived. But actually it is almost summer, and Southern California is bracing itself for a hot one. I have a feeling that my swing set session days are limited.

I try swinging for a bit, but the metal loops on the sides of the swings hurt when they dig into my sides. I decide to just teeter back and forth. I figure it's easier to think this way.

My thoughts wander, and never seem to linger on one topic for that long. They are like choosy bees in a field of flowers, or some other tired metaphor like that. But the first thought that comes to mind is of the girl I like. I think I've accepted that we'll never be together the way I want us to be together. That wasn't much of a surprise though. I'm not the decisive, brave-enough-to-take-action type of guy that would've asked her out anyways. But whenever she comes up in my thoughts, my heart deflates a little bit. All I can do is hope that I can manage to distract myself, so the rest of my day isn't ruined.

A cool breeze plays with the tips of my bangs(I desperately need a haircut), sending them straight into my eyes. I swipe them back into place with my fingers, and perform my trademark hair flip, for good measure. Then I take a deep breath and dive into my next thought.

How often, exactly am I supposed to think about God? I ask Him that a lot nowadays. If someone were to answer that question saying "all the time", I'd call him an idealist, and a dreamer. It's physically impossible. Whether it is because of our ADD, 15-second commercial attention span, or our brains' relatively low saturation point, that can only learn about a certain topic for around an hour before burning out. No matter how hard we try, we'll end up going back to thinking the routine, the secular, and the Godless. For me, whenever Friday or Sunday come around, I am reminded just to forget again. Oh yeah, I should've thought what God would want me to do in that situation. Next time, for sure.

At least I'm thinking about Him now, I assure myself. I'm being healed, right? This stuff takes time. Speaking of time, I should spend more of it on Him. I keep waiting for him to drop that desire right into my lap, that through divine intervention, my schedule will be cleared for Him. He could but he doesn't. It makes sense that I offer some effort on my side. I hate to steal quotes from other people, but All of me for all of You, right Jesus?

The sand-between-your-toes feeling has lost its novelty, and is just kinda there. Plus, it's getting really cold, and I'm getting really hungry. And besides, my hips are sore from this tiny, sad excuse for a swing. Ima head home now.