Also Written 3/12/10

  
Ugh I hate this. NO ONE IS BLOGGING.

I'm not talking about picture blogging, or summaries of today's events, or shallow complaints. It's not like there's anything wrong with them, I'm just hungry for something with a little more substance. I'm talking about the desperate need to find some outlet for deep personal or empathetic pain, and coming to grips with the flaws of humanity, and our own ignorance, prejudice, and brokenness. I want to be let in, I want to attempt to carry a burden far too heavy for anyone to hold alone without crushing themselves.

I want people to give up this stupid idea of putting up a front to convince everyone they have everything together. In a way I want to prove to myself I'm not the only one whose breaking on the inside. Whose tired of setting up these walls, distancing myself from anyone and anything that could potentially hurt me.

I don't think that's selfish of me to want. Because its not 'satisfying' to me when I read these, it doesn't make me feel better about myself. Twelve times out of thirteen, problems and issues are left open-ended, and I'm left with an uneasy tension deep down in my chest. I'd much rather have that feeling than this one. The feeling of separation and shallow talk. Like being on the outside looking in.

Please tell me you feel the same.